Reverse Immigrant: Not Italian Enough For Italians, Not American Enough For Americans

Explores the challenges of reverse immigration and cultural belonging, detailing my experience as someone caught between two worlds at midlife. Reverse immigration is an increasingly common phenomenon, but the emotional and cultural complexities faced by individuals in this position often go unspoken. It blends personal storytelling with universal themes of cultural integration, alienation, and self-discovery in the context of Italian social structures, making it relatable for a wide audience.

My heart pattered softly as butterfly wings as I stepped off the train in Milan Centrale. I visited Italy many times, but now, I came to plant myself as an Italian American dual citizen. Not as a seedling, those years were gone and I was fully formed, but rather as a reverse immigrant to propagate myself like a stem cutting in the soil of my ancestors who were driven out of Italy at the turn of the century by grim hunger and desparation, for a better life in America, toward something sharp and brilliant, like the glitter of a sword. I can only imagine what they would say about this decision exactly a hundred years after they risked their lives, suffered stinging prejudices, and did the backbreaking labor that built America, only watch me undo it in a single six-hour plane flight, but I had good reasons. The United States was no longer the country I grew up in and I don’t think they would recognize it either. American felt stifling to me, like an old basement crammed with relics from my past I no longer found useful. In Italy, I was rebuilding myself, personally and professionally, which did not translate into the life of my country. Perhaps they will forgive me because I returned to the motherland for the same reasons they went America, for the promise of a better life.

On an ordinary Tuesday in Paris, I received the second email in two years to teach English Language and Literature at an international school in Beddizole, a small town in the Lombardy region of Italy, just outside Brescia. Since leaving the United States with only the clothes on my back, I had lived in Paris for four years, but found it increasingly exasperating. Paris was beautiful, but the honeymoon seemed to end where French cynicism began. It has been said that the French live paradise, but they think they are living in hell, and it started to feel that way for me. Like a job. My language skills were steadily improving, and my quality of life was quite good compared to the United States, but I could not locate the promise of a joie de vivre, living joyously. Paris is a private club, and I was not invited. I was suffering from a mutated strain of Paris Syndrome, the disappointment I felt that my experience was not what I expected.

Since my “gray divorce” my motto has been to say “yes” to everything and so, I said yes, to this repeated job offer, even though I had already accepted a university position at a private French university. Once more, I packed my bags (I felt like I had one more move left in me) and hopped on a train to Milan, and then another to Brescia. The teaching job turned out to be a disaster that ended abruptly on Christmas Eve when I was summarily fired without just cause, but I’ve faced bigger dragons than this before in New York. During those cold and dark January weeks, I picked myself up despite the horror of my predicament and found better teaching work and I am thriving. Italy may not be perfect, but the Italians make me feel welcome, unlike the French, and that has made all the difference.

I am an Italian dual citizen and strangely enough, Italian-Americans invariably identify as Italian but we aren’t, at least not in the way that Italians understand it. To them, I am American with Italian roots, and there’s a difference. It should have triggered an identity crisis, but it didn’t. Still, I don’t feel American enough for Americans and not Italian enough for Italians. On the other hand, I’ve heard some Italians say I’m more Italian than they are because I have retained and understand the Italian traditions of a hundred years ago that they have not. It seems the question of cultural identity cuts both ways. More than anything else I regret, yet had nothing to do with, is that I cannot speak Italian fluently (yet). Hunger drove my ancestors in a hurry like gathering clouds to America and with it came a clear sky of gratitude which they expressed by insisting my parents speak English. This gratitude, quickened by pride, resulted in a great language loss by me and a daily source of embarrassment. I was raised by Italians and I know many Italian ways, attitudes, behaviors and even a handful of Neapolitan words, but I do not speak the language very well (yet) and so, to Italians, I’m not really Italian. The ancient Greek word βάρβαρος (bárbaros) meant “babbler.” To the Greek ear, someone who did not speak the Greek language babbled, producing the onomatopoeic sound “bar bar bar” which became bárbaros, and later barbaria in Latin. They thought, if you do not speak my language, you are not one of us and you are a barbarian. This gaping deficiency places me squarely in that cultural netherworld where I am neither Italian enough for the Italians nor American enough for the Americans. At the moment, I try to cover my shame with humor and say that I speak advanced babytalk, but I am diligently taking Italian lessons to rid myself of that indignity. I try to be gentle with myself and remember that neuroplasticity decreases with age and I am learning as fast as I can. Italians think I am missing out on a lot, and maybe they’re right, but I’ve had enough deep conversations in my life to know there isn’t much that’s new in the way of everyday discussion. Secretly, I don’t mind these moments of my zen silence where I can observe the locals in their natural habitat. It’s my guilty pleasure of maturity and the torrent of transcript chatter, like prices are too high, can’t believe she did that, this weather is awful, I’m so tired, I hate my job, my boss is a ass, and so on, is often predictable. That’s not to say that my daily struggles as an expat immigrant can be compared to someone who is a political, climate, or war refugee immigrant. I cannot know what level of trauma or culture shock they have experienced, what unexpressed grief and loss they have endured, but I do feel the occasional waves of guilt for leaving my kids (who are now adults and have their own life and actually applaud my lifestyle). Today, I regret nothing and I am content with my choices.

At the same time, choices often come with a price and the promise of a better life has cost me my old one. Losses add up incalculably, like attempting to number the waves on the shore of a limitless sea. In the six years I’ve lived abroad, in Paris and now Brescia, I have crossed one ocean and six time zones. I have lived in two different countries and six different apartments.  Missed three weddings, four funerals, and two christenings I could not attend, and dozens of birthdays. Lived through a global pandemic. Received four COVID vaccines. Been scammed twice. One, which required me to file a law suit. Filled out one serious police report and one minor. I’ve been in the hospital twice. Locked myself out once. I’ve cried in the shower hundreds of times. Missed four Christmases and Thanksgivings, and five Mother’s Days. I also missed attending my daughter’s college graduation in person but that was because of the pandemic. Heard about three divorces. Acquired two national health care cards and lost my American driver’s license because it expired. Been told it was not possible when it was, too many times to count. Experienced countless days feeling lost and lonely. Felt confused and anxious, not always, but often enough. I have been treated many, many times like I am less intelligent than I am because I’m American until I was able to prove differently. I’ve made lots of new friends, good, fiercely loyal friends, and then they moved away or I did. Every day I can’t express myself the way I want to and I feel like I am much smarter in English, so much funnier but those around me will have no idea. For one year, I thought I knew how to ask where the toilet was in Italian, only to discover I had been saying it incorrectly all along. Every day I have had to relearn how life works. I’ve had some of the most intense relationships, sexual experiences, and emotional feelings of my life. I have had four teaching jobs and been fired from one without just cause which is really scary as a woman, alone and broke in a foreign country. I have had a complete change of career from Intercultural Trainer and Expat Career Coach to English Language and Literature professor. I’ve gone to uncountable resturants, bars, café, concerts, clubs, and dance events along the Seine. Drank hundreds of bottles of wine. Traveled as far as Norway and as far south as the Greek Islands. I’ve done dozens of things I thought I would never do but, to take a line from Fight Club, “It is only when you lose everything that we are free to do anything.” I cannot tell you when is the right time to take action to change your life, or leave the country, but as Dorris Lessing said, “ Whatever you’re meant to do, do it now, the conditions are always impossible.”

I am American by birth, Italian by blood and residency, but at sixty-two and divorced with two grown children, I am comfortable enough in my own skin to accept these, and many other scratchy certainties. Eventually, I will become more proficient and perhaps the Italians will feel more comfortable with me because at the moment, they don’t know what to do with me. There is no model for a modern, middle-aged woman who knows she has another another life in her, especially in a country like Italy where ageism and sexism are prevalent, where women often have a less power and agency despite the veneer of education, occupation, or income.

Old ways are fossilized in stoney tradition. A Sicilian friend of mine whose family immigrated with their four kids from Sicily to the States when he was about ten, told me, nothing ever changes in Italy, especially not Italian ways. I didn’t quite fully grasp what he meant at the time, perhaps because I was young and couldn’t comprehend the idea that nothing could change because I was raised in the newest, new world, Southern California, a place synonymous with change. To him, Italy was the “old country” while I perceived it as a dazzling completeness of beauty, but the example he gave was simple: that Italian farmer has been drawing water from a well for the last hundred years, and that’s the way he will continue to get his water for the next hundred. Maybe it was a bit of an exaggeration, but he wasn’t wrong. For example, when I told him I received my Italian citizenship ID card, he cracked, ha! And it’s still issued on flimsy paper I bet, and then I began to understand what he was trying to tell me about the well. The Italian ID card has been in paper form for the last eighty seven years and was one of the last to go modern in the EU. The project of an electronic identity card began in 1997 and is finally a plastic card with an electronic chip. Getting things done here can feel as slow as waves rolling in, long and lazy, like sea-worn travelers.

Perhaps what I represent to Italians, and my students in particular, is uniquely made of Italian American DNA; a photo negative of their unmet dreams spirited by Italian Americans like Fiorello La Guardia, Mario Cuomo, and Giannini who rebuilt San Francisco and created the Bank of America; Geraldine Ferraro, Madonna, and Nancy Pelosi, sons and daughters of immigrants who built their dreams in the United States for the sake of others. There are second acts in America and this is an example of how mine is playing out in Italy. Maybe it’s my third.

Hemingway said there are all kinds of hunger. Memory is a hunger. Perhaps I was headstrong and foolish to return to my ancestral home, but I was driven for as long as I can remember to Italy because I had an insatiable appetite to satisfy the strong memory of family experiences that accompanied me all my life like an unwavering, loyal friend; driven by a malnourished soul few Americans can comprehend. On the other hand, I inherited the nourishing quality of Neapolitan resourcefulness: Arrangiarsi meaning to “make do” and figure it out yourself, and this character trait, whether born of personality or genetics or both, has served me well as an expatriate immigrant. Americans would call it as self-reliance, but whenever I am suffering from the mental, emotional, or physical exhaustion that comes from the stress and frustration of a life in significant transition, I lean on these attributes and the samsonite strength of my ancestors, rather than scattering it in agitation, from people who courageously crossed an ocean when it was unlikely they strayed far from their own villages, like Margliano or Sciscianno. Relatives who suffered from the tyranny of poverty and hunger; a desperate force that hurled them on to ships, leaving everyone and everything they once knew, behind. Once, when I was much younger, I asked my maternal grandfather, Saverio Mascia, why he left Italy and he tilted his head down a little mournfully at the imaginary dirt of his youth, swiping his shoe back and forth like a weary windshield wiper and told me, because there was nothing to eat. In the silence between us, I sensed there was trauma in that reply and I’ve probably recieved some part of that unwelcome inheritance. He moved back and forth frequently between Chicago and California duirng my childhood, like an indecisive waiter, unable to commit to either place for very long. Perhaps he was searching for a “geographic solution” in the expectation that moving would cure the profound melancholy that haunted him.

I come from a long line of Italian farmers. Saverio or “Sam” was a farmer and his father was a farmer, and so on, as far back as I could document in the geneological descriptions. As a landless, post-unification Mezzogiorno peasant, life offered up a chronic plate of hardship, exploitation, and violence, particularly around the “triangle of death” outside Naples of Acerra, Nola, and Marigliano, the latter where my grandmother, Pasqualina was born. The soil was barren, yielding little; malnutrition and disease were prevalent during the Great Wave of Immigration between 1880 – 1924 when nearly a million Italians came to the United States, half of them between 1900 – 1010 when my ancestors came[1] which now makes up the nation’s fifth largest ethnic group in America. The reasons people immigrate are ususally this dire, or worse, but in my case although I was not starving, it felt that way, emotionally. Most migrants and refugees leave because they are desperate or live in fear, or both; forcably displaced because of persecution, conflict, violence, and unspeakable human rights violations. People who are desperate do desperate things because death is like a predator, chasing them from behind, and instead of fighting, they flee from it, too terrified to fight back. I left because I was tired of the quarreling at home, with the fallen ideals of my country, and a dozen other reasons strewn on the floor but my exodus was a choice and I believed I could, as a divorced, middle-aged woman on a fixed income, make a lateral move that would stabilize, if not improve, the standard of living I was accustomed to, but I could not explain this concept adequately enough to my American friends and family. I suffered from exulansis, the tendency to give up trying to talk about an experience because people are unable to relate to it—whether through envy or pity or simple foreignness. And, I refused to be buried in New Jersey.

Sam arrived, first at Ellis Island. I know that because I saw his name commemorated on the immigrant wall. He continued on to Chicago, presumably because he had friends and distant relatives there, not unlike me when I first moved to Paris before coming to Italy, but we American expats don’t congeal into the jellied “little” enclaves like other relationship-oriented people. We are more individualistic and less likely to form tribes into a coherent diaspora abroad because that’s how we’re wired. He was unskilled, illiterate, and did not speak English. I am educated, skilled, and don’t speak much Italian (yet), but my advantages don’t make the foreign feel more any more familiar, they are only less worse, and cultural adaptation takes time. The difference is, he could become American and I am unsure if I will, or want, to become Italian. Perhaps I will be Italian-ish. He dug ditches and laid labyrinthian pipes at the feet of Chicago’s big shoulders. I reinvented my career as an English Language and Literature teacher, however we both felt the need to escape; for him, from a semi-feudal society that increasingy held little in the way of opportunity; for me, from a country that has veered off the rails into casino capitalism and gone mad politically. (Under Italian law, I have the right to asylum from an undemocratic country!) According to Freedom House, the America has experienced a 16-year decline in global freedom. The US score in Freedom in the World fell by 11 points on a 100-point scale in the decade from 2010 to 2020, with an accelerated deterioration of 6 points during the presidency of Donald Trump. In Freedom in the World 2022, which covers the events of 2021, gains in the US score were counterbalanced by declines and the total remained at 83. That put the country on par with Panama, Romania, and South Korea, and about 10 points below historical peers like Germany and the United Kingdom.[2] His thickly calloused hands built Chicago’s infrastructure and I unveil a new world perspective to my gregarious Italian students who are unintentionally ensnared in the old world. At the end of the immgration wave, he was one of five million Italians who came to America and I am one of five million American expatriates who live scattered around the world, one of the sixteen-thousand living in Italy.

Back and forth, Italians and their descendents have left Italy, settled elsewhere, and some, like me, have returned to the motherland, by a zionian pull so strong that some of us must go back, but it is not a paradise, and it is my impression that one day, this gorgeous and beloved country may become one of the least ethnicnally identifiable, culturally in the world[3]. It is rowing upstream against a strong downward current towards an epic demographic crisis; a perfect storm of an aging population, declining birth rates, and a brain drain. The aging population is called the “Silver Tsunami” with over half the population over 45 and one of the world’s longest lifespans. The low “fertility trap” or negative birth rate is twelve deaths for every 7 births. The fuga di cervelli or “brain drain” is the working age population leaving to be employed in other countries, however 30-50 percent of them returned (called the ritornati) so the trend is positive. The millenial exodus could be caused by many factors, but perhaps the most obvious is the lack of opportunity, employment, and chronic bureaucracy; a slow justice system and cumbersome tax regulations. However, like many other countries thanks to the pandemic, Italy has attempted to “trampoline” to become more modern and competitive. As a teacher, I hope I am part of this effort by exposing students to as many new ideas and perspectives as possible; to prevent them from becoming part of the fossilized Italy trifecta. That, and phrasal verbs.   

Italy is breathtaking, but this mozzafiato is a double-edged sword, preserved, or petrified, across landscapes, architecture, monuments, and basilicas, yet at the same time, it reflects the paralysis to change social systems, especially around income inequality and deep-seated sexism[4]. For Italians who are reluctant to change, it took, and will probably only take again sadly, another authoritarian figure like Mussolini (who built roads, bridges, and buildings) to retool the nation's economy. One look at the architecture of those fascist style buildings he built during his dictatorship, large and symmetric with sharp non-rounded edges, will tell you that this was revolutiony. One day, as I stood in the middle of the grand Piazza Dell’Loggia in Brescia where I live, an Italian from Udine told me, look at the difference between this post office he built and the old palazzo architecture beside it. To Italians at that time, this was New York City. It represented both innovation and a reverential nod to their Roman roots, and it was way ahead of its time compared to the medieval architecture that had stood like vigilant centurions for centuries. He was the future. They succumed to his authority not because they liked his politics so much as they needed someone like him to get things done. I never thought of it that way. Perspective is always about who’s telling the story.

To underscore this notion that change happens slowly in Italy, it was only recently in 1861 that it became a country. It is second only to the United States (1776) as one of the newest old countries to be formed which could not, and would not have thought to, unify itself. It is a combination of nearly 20 nations states that shared neither language (for the most part) customs, nor tradition. Italians were accustomed to living next to, but not in harmony or unity with, other Italians. They could, however, rely on two things: family and di arrangiarsi, and barring that, particularly in the South, below Naples including Sicily, the mafia stepped in to fill the void of law and order to provide “protection” where the state did not. The forgotton South took matters, for better or for worse, into their own hands when it came to law and order or economic prosperity until recently. Change happens at a gacial pace, a testiment to the often obdurate and defiant Italian mentality. It’s fitting to note that I live in the heart and soul of old Brescia, next to a Roman temple dating back to the first century AD during the Roman Empire. What’s important is that there are pre-Romanesque ruins below that site from the Bronze and Iron Age. Italian ways seem as old as their layered history. That’s not to say they’re not spontaneous which is a contradiction to what I’ve observed, and they are, but I think their spontenaity is born as a reaction to this rigidity, rather than an anomaly and they can be surprisingly flexible when it comes to la dolce vita or living life in the moment, enjoying the sweetness of doing nothing, which I’ve become spectacularly good at. If Italians, or other cultures, contain contraditions, then they contain the multitudes of humanity, of both the ideal cultural values and the possible negative perceptions.

What will happen to Italian culture and identity as a result of their history and current transition into the 21st century is anyone’s guess during this demographic winter. Who is Italian, what makes an Italian, or Italian American? What will Italy or Italians look like in the future given the current immigration dilemmas and short-termed solutions, like the 1 Euro housing scheme desgined to attract people, foreigners mostly, to revive abandoned hilltop villages, who can tell, but I suspect they will not be solved by selling off real estate which implies a doubt in the country’s ability to get at the root of the problem, systemically. When there is a vacuum of decision-making power, what takes the place may not be in the country’s best interest and it can be vulnerable to a cultural, socio-political malware that has nothing to do with the ideals, identity, or interests of Italians. Like the dinosaurs, Italy may look like it’s about to become extinct but perhaps the glimmer of hope may lay in their fossilization, in the amber of the ritornati; the returning millenials and Italian Americans who embody the ideals and work ethic they were able to demonstrate and execute successfully elsewhere, without the deterrant nuissance of tradition.

The contradiction that struck me most with remarkable surprise, was what I saw so clearly in myself for the first time; how Italian I was and was not. The Southen Italian I am is a dutiful mix of compliance to food, music, and the dialect of my immigrant ancestors from a hundred years ago. A time capsule preserved by sheer force of my memory’s carabiners to things which no longer exist particularly in the modern, dynamic, energetic North. A southern persona that is grossly mythologized by superstition (like the corna, cornetto, and malocchio) and of course crime, an idea that author and former Minister of Finance of Greece, Yanis Varoufakis has corrected because while the South is corrupt, it is low-level corruption, cheap corruption, whereas the north practices industrial scale, systematic, beautifully designed, high-tech corruption[5]. It was a staggering surprise for me during the entry phase that began with shock and ended with forelornness. I was not who I thought I was, ethnically. On the other hand, there is also a smugness I feel because I know, just as the arhictecture and Italian ways are set in stone, so is my Italian-ness. To return to my roots and to embrace its traditions. Italians may feel a sharp pang of regretful wonder at my particular species of Italian American, but I’d like to think I might be that minuscule grain of sand to an unsuspecting oyster, one that could contribute a slight pearl of knowledge and experience to my Italian students who might think differently about their world because I exposed them to the new one. Perhaps to prevent it from becoming “Like white sepulchers, beautiful on the outside but filled with dead men’s bones on the inside.”

Notes:

1.     https://www.pbs.org/destinationamerica/usim_wn_noflash_5.html#:~:text=Italian%20emigration%20was%20fueled%20by,malnutrition%20and%20disease%20were%20widespread.

2.     https://italicsmag.com/2020/12/01/why-millennials-are-moving-back-to-italy/

3.     https://apnews.com/article/europe-business-health-coronavirus-pandemic-italy-fde87cd63c7c388f2684cd0450b882f4

[1]https://www.pbs.org/destinationamerica/usim_wn_noflash_5.html#:~:text=Italian%20emigration%20was%20fueled%20by,malnutrition%20and%20disease%20were%20widespread

[2] https://freedomhouse.org/report/freedom-world/2022/global-expansion-authoritarian-rule/reversing-decline-democracy-united-states

[3] https://www.theguardian.com/world/2023/oct/07/italy-births-far-right-demographic-winter?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other

[4] https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2023/jul/16/any-victim-is-a-liar-sexual-violence-scandals-in-italy-expose-deep-seated-sexism

[5] https://fb.watch/nhbdwB9tQq/

DECONSTRUCTING WOMEN AND POWER

I heard Patti Digh say once that we give up our power to the very people who took it away from us in the first place. Who has the authority to grant permission? That depends on your culture and your perception of who's in charge. Mostly in the West, when it comes to kids, parent(s) or the legal guardian has that power and right to justly care, manage and supervise another person in a fair and humane way, where rights are pretty much protected. Yet, in some Eastern cultures where men are traditionally in positions of power and authority have this right, not only over children but also over adult women. I don't believe this is an equitable distribution of power, nor is it a helpful attitude in developing nations where many factors already put women and children at a disadvantage.

Never Judge a Book by Its Cover. Yes, I was born into an Eastern family, but culturally I was raised American, with a values orientation that points West. It's a mindset that favors free will, openness, practicality, self-reliance, directness and healthy competition. No one, I repeat, no one, has the authority to lord over me and treat me like their property. I am not chattel. No one owns me. Not my father. Not my dear husband and certainly not my brothers. I may look "Arab" but that's just skin color and facial features, but that's the "evident culture" that sits above the water line. Deep below, you will find my true colors are "all-American," and that's where the hidden dimensions of culture lie. This is what makes me tick. While we are a composite of personality, country of origin and ethnicity, in a flat world, we don't realize that it's what you can't see: our values, attitudes, perceptions, deep cultural tendencies and expectations -- that are not only taken for granted, they are hugely misunderstood and at the root of misconceptions, bias, and outright conflict.

In Pakistan, although women's rights are largely defined (and derived) by religious and tribal customs, I think tribal customs or traditional practices are to blame for women's inequality. It's no secret according to the actual Islamic principles, not the ones interpreted by power-hungry men, that women have equal rights, but we will never be able to take advantage of those rights unless they are enforced social, politically and economically from the top down. What's behind this power is the notion of the notion of namus (face/honor) is the single most important underlying factor driving their national behavior. It's central to understanding what makes these men tick. They don't want to risk making a bad choice, or looking bad, or being ridiculed for an unmanageable wife and family publicly.

Baby, You Can Drive My Car (and Other Drivers)

Girls are raised according to these dimensions of culture with the expectation of a life that can seem like nothing more than a series of compromises. Yet, like many women around the world, while I'm personally comfortable with assuming the role of family caregiver, I also presume the rights and responsibilities that come with this position: Namely, the right to a just and humane existence along with personal sovereignty and dignity. Being a wife and mother should not be mutually exclusive of human rights.

The roots of this power play between men and women in Pakistan, especially in rural areas, goes back centuries. Women continue to be segregated from men (as in many Eastern cultures). They live in purdah, which means "curtain" in Urdu -- completely separate from men. The only contact they have with men is with members of the immediate family. In these areas, everyday tasks which involve leaving the house, like shopping, are carried out by men. Women's work involves staying behind to clean, cook and raise children. However, many Pakistani women go out to work these days and are increasingly experiencing more levels of equality with men. Life varies dramatically between regions of Pakistan. A more liberal middle class plays an important role in the big cities, where conditions differ greatly from those in rural areas, which are far more traditional. The area in the northwest, bordering Afghanistan, dominated by tribal customs, is extremely conservative and very traditional with a self-styled strict adherence to Islam favored by the Taliban.

In the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, although women were previously forbidden from voting or being elected to political office, King Abdullah declared that women will be able to vote and run in the local elections and be appointed to the Consultative Assembly come 2015. Yet, the most recent act of rebellion came by car. Manal al-Sharif, a women's rights activist from Saudi Arabia helped start a women's right to drive campaign in 2011 because Saudi Arabia is the only country in the world that prohibits women from driving. Enabling mobility can only empower women who make up nearly 20 percent of the country's workforce. The World Economic Forum 2009 Global Gender Gap Report ranked Saudi Arabia 130th out of 134 countries for gender parity. It was the only country to score a zero in the category of political empowerment.

The ongoing battle of the sexes is being played out in different stages in different cultures. Each one is working through deeply held-notions of who is in charge and why, by whose authority and at what price. It's not so much the notion of independence (of women) that seems to be at issue with traditional cultures so much as the loss of face (by men) when the power shift happens. Santosh Kalwar said, "a strong gives forgiveness but weak gives permission." My advice to the men who uphold traditional misogynistic practices that were created by and for them is to seek to be advisors, not grantors of permission. Therein lays your power.

It's the kind of power reflected in the upcoming documentary, Sweet Dreams Rwanda. The women depicted are so resilient and powerful. It seems they can deal with the worst situations often without an education or resources, and yet they are able to stand up for themselves to improve their lives and the lives of others -- thus improving the overall health, welfare and economy of their nation. It's a lesson we can learn from for a more just and peaceful world.

DECONSTRUCTING THE FEMALE POLITICIAN IN AMERICAN CULTURE

If the United States empowers American women, where are the women Presidents in America? When Carly Fiorina was questioned about her elect-ability, I couldn’t help but wonder, while Americans believe in female empowerment, where are the empowered women in politics?

The invisible hand of culture may be driving America’s inconsistent attitudes toward women when you consider 63 of 142 nations studied by the World Economic Forum have regularly elected women as head of state, except the United States. Electing a woman president may have less to do with America’s sincere wish for a woman president than our hidden cultural tendencies and expectations. Invisible dimensions such as our beliefs, attitudes, and assumptions that account for how we make decisions; how we communicate and behave.

 Culture is why people do what they do, based on where they live.  Edward Hall said culture hides more than it reveals and strangely enough, what it hides, is most effectively hidden from its owners. While intercultural understanding, a branch of anthropology, has gone from the the field to the boardroom, I'm putting it in the living room for everyone, because knowing what makes you tick is a birthright. 

American politics presents a “president’s paradox”. It’s not that we won’t elect a woman president, we can’t because we are highly “competitive” culture. American is unlike France, Denmark, Britain, India, or the Philippines that have greater “feminine” or “quality of life” tendencies, especially in the context of leadership. Political (and religious) choices are not exactly personal preferences. They are more the result of cultural values, not the cause of them. You may think you are solely responsible for your political (or religious) choices, but in fact those decisions have already been made for you, by the invisible hand of culture.

Culture is the result of a series of historical events that have occurred in a particular geography. For Americans, the events of our past have driven us to be the best, often at the cost of what's best. To be Competitive means striving for the best we can be, or the best there is. This invisible dimension of culture is a key driver in our decision-making process and partly accounts for why a we have yet to elect a woman for president. We may say we support the idea (in theory), but our we can’t close the deal because somewhere, way in the back of our collective cultural unconsciousness, the expectations for a Commander in Chief are of someone perceived to be “tough, assertive, and competitive,” so through no fault of our own, women don’t fit that description. These are just some of culture’s consequences.

When it comes to the invisible forces determining the distribution of emotional roles between the genders, the United States (and Japan, Mexico) falls on the Masculine side of the spectrum where emotional gender roles are clearly distinct. Men are supposed to be assertive, tough, and focused on material success which is the hallmark of competition. We live to work, unlike other cultures. This hidden driver determines how one should feel as a boy or a girl, by the majority of the population so that gender bias may not necessarily be a choice, but an unconscious one we have begun to overcome.

The Masculinity/Femininity cultural indicators explain assertive or modest interactive styles. Women and societies that embody feminine-like qualities are characterized as Feminine when emotional and gender roles overlap: both men and women are supposed to be modest, tender, and concerned with the quality of life. For example, France and Nordic countries tend to fall on the nurturing side of the spectrum; caring for others and providing a social safety net. For them, maintaining a healthy work-life balance and liking what you do (Feminine) is how they measure success compared to the American definition of what it means to be a “winner” or the “best” (Masculine).

Consensus is also a characteristic. For example, France is dialogue culture in contrast to the United States because decisions are made through involvement which explains their historical role in diplomacy. The French language also contained the necessary components for reaching diplomatic consensus, most notably with the use of the third person singular “on”. If there was a crisis, blame was place on neither you nor me, but “on” (someone). They strive for consensus and resolve conflict by compromise and negotiation. The Dutch are known for their long discussions until consensus has been reached.

These cultures embed social safety nets into society and sympathize with the weak, unlike the USA where weakness is viewed with disdain. Americans can seem heartless when it comes to the marginalized, but the invisible hand of culture drives our behavior which accounts for acquiescing to inadequate social policies. Americans expect people to care for themselves and be self-reliant, so they have a relatively low level of social welfare, healthcare, and public services.

Culture is how people solve problems. When the American citizen steps into the voting booth, an instantaneous compatibility switch flips on to scan for a the “Competition” match. Whether it’s Carly Fiorina, Hillary Clinton, or Geraldine Ferraro, it doesn't compute culturally because we cannot suspend disbelief that she’s capable of it despite her fighting stance, or her rhetoric. Although American woman can succeed, they don’t to the extent men do; an inherent, implicit cultural expectation for a higher than average degree of Masculinity from leaders or authority figures.

This cultural expectation is not strictly limited by gender. For example, presidential candidate Bernie Sanders shared similar Feminine perception by voters because "socialists" essentially represent similar values: nurturing, dialoging, consensus, and quality of life. Nowhere could the American voter detect the desired Masculine code in the eminently competent women or Sanders of “winner take all”. We may be a long way off until the high Masculine expectation is lowered. 

As a card-carrying feminist, I've been waiting for a woman in the oval office since Geraldine Ferraro lost the race for vice president in 1984. I'd be remiss if I didn't say I hope (very American) that a woman (or a socialist) will be elected, but I know culture is to blame. I also know culture is a learned behavior, so it can be unlearned, but this takes time. The first step toward solving women's persistent and pervasive inequality is to recognize our existing explanations are inadequate and consider alternatives. In all likelihood, electing a woman has less to do with with gender politics, than it does with the invisible hand of culture that drives our behavior in ways you never imagined.

DECONSTRUCTING THE GIRL EFFECT

Giving women all over the world a voice is empowering in ways we cannot imagine. It fosters the Girl Effect so that when we listen to them, we change their social conditions. This is crucial to solving the most persistent development problems we face in the world today. When we include girls in education, health and economic investment we have a better chance of preventing issues such as child marriage, teen pregnancy, HIV/AIDS and breaking the inter-generational cycle of poverty. Girls can't do this alone though. They need the world to listen to them and invest in their potential.

This is also part of the United Nations Millennium Goals to promote gender equality and empower women to eliminate gender disparity in primary and secondary education. And there is none as valuable as freedom of speech.

Once they are free to speak, and be heard, women and girls can become empowered as described in Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide by husband-and-wife Pulitzer Prize winners Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn who argued that "the key to economic progress in the world lies in unleashing women's potential."

Pakistan is my country of origin and its first female fighter pilot, Ayesha Farooq fought her mother to pursue her dream and realize her potential. She is quoted as saying "In our society most girls don't even think about doing things as flying an aircraft," and I feel very proud of her courage which will have lasting empowering effects for other girls who dare to dream these seemingly impossible dreams. Yet, with these significant social changes, I can't help but wonder, as she is lifted from the intergenerational cycle of silence and powerlessness, what are the cultural implications? In Pakistan or the Eastern Society as I was raised to be quiet and obedient. I couldn't speak my mind or express my opinions because it was considered rude (badtameezi) or aggressive behavior. I was told "girls don't behave like this."

Today, in many cultures, from decision making to shopping, an unmarried woman needs permission from her father; a married women needs permission from her husband; and a widow needs permission from her brother. Many girls also do not have a voice in their own about who they choose to marry and when because they are still subject to the traditional practice of arranged marriage.

I am constantly reminded of this when my women friends and relatives tell me how lucky I am that my husband allows me to have my own career and make my own decisions. I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. He's very supportive of me, my decisions, and my career. He's also helpful when it comes to participating fully as a partner in our family so that we can both accomplish our career goals without sacrificing the needs of our family. Since these are only cultural values, they are learned behavior which means they can be unlearned and the cycle of social oppression can be broken.

By comparison, women in the Middle East may undergo the issue more, but they are not alone. After reading Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg -- in which she examines why women's progress in achieving leadership roles has stalled, explains the root causes, and offers compelling, commonsense solutions that can empower women to achieve their full potential -- This is about women's rights, worldwide. She gave a perspective of what woman are capable of if they are given the chance, and how men can benefit by supporting them in allowing them the right to speak up and be heard. Thirty years after women became 50 percent of the college graduates in the United States, men still hold the vast majority of leadership positions in government and industry. This means that women's voices are still not heard equally in the decisions that most affect our lives. Astonishing.

In 2010, Sheryl gave an electrifying TEDTalk in which she described how women unintentionally hold themselves back in their careers. Her talk, which became a phenomenon and has been viewed more than two million times, encouraged women to "sit at the table," seek challenges, take risks, and pursue their goals with gusto.

DECONSTRUCTING FEMALE PAKISTANI IDENTITY

Maybe I should be fearful. Heck, I was born and raised in Pakistan. To some, that's reason enough to be afraid, but I accept that in a post 9/11 America, my country conjures up all kinds of misconceptions and contradictions. To be fair though, what country is without them? What if I told you that Pakistan the most urbanized country in Asia? Or that English is the official language of business? Would you still be fearful of Pakistan or me for that matter?

I am a walking contradiction, but isn't the globalized world all about turning old notions upside down? I credit much of my fearlessness to being educated at a boarding school where I was exposed to the Western value of independence. If independence is one of the key dimensions of the Western mindset, then fearlessness is the byproduct. I am also the result of an utter yin-yang upbringing that was both rich in traditional Eastern values and progressive optimism, thanks to my parents, who were visionaries, despite their generation and beliefs. They believed I would benefit from a Western-style education. So in 1974, I was sent to St. Deny's all-girls Christian boarding school run by the British Missionary Group of Himalayan Schools. In 2010 it was burnt down by Islamic militants because it was smack dab in the perilous area of Murree; and, it shared a nearby border with the equally dangerous Khyber Pakhtunkhwa province, which lacked any strong check posts.

Maybe I should be fearful. Heck, I was born and raised in Pakistan. To some, that's reason enough to be afraid, but I accept that in a post 9/11 America, my country conjures up all kinds of misconceptions and contradictions. To be fair though, what country is without them? What if I told you that Pakistan the most urbanized country in Asia? Or that English is the official language of business? Would you still be fearful of Pakistan or me for that matter?

I am a walking contradiction, but isn't the globalized world all about turning old notions upside down? I credit much of my fearlessness to being educated at a boarding school where I was exposed to the Western value of independence. If independence is one of the key dimensions of the Western mindset, then fearlessness is the byproduct. I am also the result of an utter yin-yang upbringing that was both rich in traditional Eastern values and progressive optimism, thanks to my parents, who were visionaries, despite their generation and beliefs. They believed I would benefit from a Western-style education. So in 1974, I was sent to St. Deny's all-girls Christian boarding school run by the British Missionary Group of Himalayan Schools. In 2010 it was burnt down by Islamic militants because it was smack dab in the perilous area of Murree; and, it shared a nearby border with the equally dangerous Khyber Pakhtunkhwa province, which lacked any strong check posts.

Call me an optimist, but if history is any indication about the fearlessness of my people, then positive change is on the horizon, if not happening right now. Peshawar was once a major center of enlightened Buddhist learning in the 2nd century CE. It was also a central trading center at the busy intersection of the Silk Road; where East met, bought, sold and traded with the West. Despite current events, not only does nothing stay the same, but thanks to globalization, it doesn't stay the same for long. Right now, a deep historical legacy of progressive ideas is drilling through these hard scrabble mountain villages with democracy with the likes of Imran Khan. The youth support him and that he said, was his victory, despite losing the election on 14 May 2013. His party swept the Khyber Pakhtunkhwa province in the elections, I think, with a little help from the area's enlightened history.

Passionate, loyal, hospitable, and proud: American or Pakistani traits?

The Western ways are tantamount to my Eastern ones, even if that fiercely independent American mindset may seem to run counter to my Pakistani one (if not to human nature!). But then again, there's been a certain kind of love-hate relationship with West and Pakistanis have always trouble reconciling it. I read somewhere that because people are born dependent and connected to others, American independence may be hard to understand. I understand that it's not only desirable, but necessary. I get it. Their independence may be perceived as "selfish" to others, but I know from experience from an immigrant family that it's rooted in self-reliance. Ironically, it is precisely this unlikely aspect of the American mindset that glues such a big country together. It's what unites them.

Still, you've got to understand that Pakistanis -- who are like 85 percent of the rest of the world -- because they are relationship-oriented, or Collectivists. Not Individualists, or like Americans. Social networking doesn't count. If you want to know what makes them tick, you've got to really, really understand our strong need to form personal relationships. For example, when it comes to business, a Pakistani seeks to build trust in order to do business. For Americans, this is frustrating because this takes time. And for them, it's the other way around. Trust happens later, as a consequence of business, or what we call a track record.

Margaret Mead said (with irony I'm sure) that because of their age-long training in human relations, women have a special contribution to make to any group enterprise. When my father joined the World Bank in 1982, we immigrated to the United States and settled of course in Washington, D.C. Finally, I thought, I will have the freedom of choice and speech I need. As much as I love my culture, let's face it, the gender gap is huge. Men are in charge, so speaking your mind as a woman is just not done. The Peshawar province does not mean the "city of men" in Sanskrit for nothing. Little did I know that's I would have to be fearless and make life or death decisions, despite what I knew about eastern ways.

I refused to accept an arranged marriage and I married for love. Although my husband is Indian, he is neither from Pakistan, nor was he from the same religion which caused problems, but we overcame them. Since 1988, I have raised our four beautiful children and fearlessly followed my dream to have my own business. In 2007, an opportunity came along, and within a year, I established IKG Global Consultants in four countries including the U.S., UK, Canada and Singapore. My company provides international and domestic relocation services, destination services, human resource services, global payroll management and supply chain management, as well as supplier assessment and sourcing.

Since I worked with people from different backgrounds and cultures, traveling was never been an issue, but in June 2010 my father fell very ill and my courage was tested. Looking back, I feel proud of the strength God granted me to handle and accomplish something my father felt so proud about, not that he wasn't already proud of my accomplishments or my fearless personality.

In 2010 my dad was working in Yemen on a project for GOPA, a German development consulting firm that was developing and building a secondary education system for the young girls of tribal Yemen in coordination with the Yemini Ministry of Education. If these girls had access to education they could avoid the traditional practice of early childhood marriage. This work would have wide-ranging effects, not only on their health and welfare, but on that of their community and beyond. This has been an ongoing global problem that I am very concerned about because 10 million girls under the age of 18 marry each year, many as young as eight. In developing countries, one in every three girls marries before they are 18. Economically, an increase of only 1 percent in girls secondary education attendance, adds 0.3 percent to a country's GDP.

According to the World Health Organization complications of pregnancy and childbirth are the leading cause of death in young women. Young girls who marry later and delay pregnancy beyond their adolescence have more chances to stay healthier, to better their education and build a better life for themselves and their families. So for me, since women's rights are a constant matter of discussion in Pakistan, it was important to contribute something positive to the emancipation of disadvantaged women, no matter where they are from.

Women do not always experience equality with men in Pakistan, but this is changing. Women's education has not been a priority in the past, but many more women are entering the labor force even though the majority of their jobs is often below the "threshold of decency." The situation is better in urban areas. Of course, I was the exception and I was able to work in what is considered the most coveted kind of position for an ambitious Pakistani woman -- with a multinational company where there is a chance for progression. Pakistan did, of course, have a female prime minister in Benazir Bhutto, and has had four other prominent female politicians, but each of these inherited their political career from their husbands/fathers and later became politicians in their own right.

Fear may be scary, but it's a powerful motivator. In June 2010, I got a call from Yemen that my dad was in the hospital on the project with a serious lung infection. I flew there in couple of days and my dad was not only relieved to see me but his condition had improved and he was released from the hospital. We made arrangements that he would rest at home and recover. Meanwhile, I planned to go back to the states and return soon to be with him. As soon as I landed in New York, I got a call from his wife that he was being taken back to the hospital. He had a heart attack. His kidneys were failing. I immediately had to get on the next flight back to Dubai and then on to Yemen. My dad was in the ICU at a Yemen hospital, a very male dominated society where people accept a hierarchical order. Everybody accepts their place and this behavior needs no further justification. Power is also very centralized and subordinates -- meaning women and children -- expect to be told what to do by the "benevolent dictator." A man.

By all accounts, I was Pakistani looking on the outside, but I am all American on the inside. Needless to say I had to dial back the I-am-women thing. I had to dress more modestly, headscarf and all according to tradition because I had to assert myself and become the decision maker for when it came to the health and welfare of my dad.

I spent hours at the ICU with my dad who was hardly conscious. I had to use various meditative and musical therapies to help me maintain my hope and buffer me against this chauvinistic Middle Eastern culture of doctors as my father's advocate. Fearlessly, I persuaded them not to do any surgeries or procedures because I wanted him to be treated in a hospital in the west. I made arrangements with the help of my dad's employers and health insurance agency in Germany to airlift my father from Yemen to Frankfurt. It took me five days to make it all happen and finally, on July 1, my Dad's birthday, I gave him the good news that we were flying out of Yemen in an air ambulance with a doctor on board to boot. We went through the required procedures and after ten days he was able to fly back to the U.S. on a commercial flight.

This experience gave me such a sense of accomplishment and triumph because I was able to help save my dad's life. I was brave and fearless in a country where women have to work so hard to earn their place and prove their worth; where their health and welfare is rarely considered. I was not only heard, but I spoke for a male elder in a position of authority.

Being fearless means not only stepping out of my comfort zone, but also persuading others to step out of theirs too. It means advocating for my rights and that of others, like my dad and for the human right of girls. It's about having a voice. It's about being heard and respected. It means having the courage to do what I have to, especially for the sake of justice, decency, and human rights.

DECONSTRUCTING CUSTOM VERSUS LAW

The boundary between what is custom and what is law, differs from culture to culture. The lines can become blurred without our knowledge and when that happens, the laws of human nature nearly guarantee a collision. My name is Iram Ganju, and I ought to know because I personally experienced the implications of these two ways of determining right from wrong while I was caring for my Dad again, this time in a US hospital in 2012. Though my cultural mindset GPS was set to the "American mindset" I didn't realize that during this period of personal stress how easily it reverted back to what is familiar to me and unconsciously, it defaulted back to my "Pakistani mindset." While both settings are a result of learned behavior, I was surprised to realize, that after living a Westernized life for nearly all my adult life, how unconsciously my Pakistani ways of relating, regulating and reasoning kicked in.

We don't know who discovered water, but it wasn't a fish. Ironically, everything falls into place for me when it comes to personal and private family matters, such as a health care dilemma. I know my position within my family, my rights and responsibilities as a daughter, and the degree of authority I have. I would have thought that when it came to such matters in the States, the terrain would be no different. I am reminded of the Ethiopian proverb "Fish discover water last." We don't know who discovered water, but it wasn't a fish. The same goes for the cultural dilemmas I was about to face. My adopted American culture was all around me. So it was natural for me to think I could predict how I would react, reason and relate to my both my immediate family and in-laws about the health care system, how I would make decisions when it came to my Dad's life, and how I would think and reason these issues out, especially when I speak English fluently. But that's just where the similarities begin and end. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Culture is all around us. It's an assumption; like breathing. We don't give it a second thought until someone cuts off the air supply. In my relocation business, living and working successfully across cultures is as important in the boardroom as it would turn out to be in my Dad's hospital room. The implicit dimensions of culture that drive our behavior are invisible, but they are just as real as air or love. Just because you can't see them, doesn't mean they're not there or you don't need them. My software of the mind determines whether I value rules over relationships, the individual over the group, or, how I understand power, and whether I allow someone else to make decisions for me.

A health care crisis was just what the doctor ordered

Handling critical incidents, like my dad's health care crisis in an American hospital, turned out to be a learning opportunity to acknowledge the importance of culture, the type of culture, and to recognize when it's different. This takes time, but the good news is because culture is all around us, we are surrounded by a hundred opportunities every day to get it right. Although they are not easy or obvious at first, they will be as we become aware of their signals and practice. Moments that will teach us all we need to know to become wiser and more empathetic in a shrinking world. The question is, how often do you pass up these opportunities by instinctively reacting in the "reject - refuse - resist" mode at the deli counter, the dry cleaners, during a sales call, or in negotiation?

Cross-Cultural Competency is the new Six Sigma

Acquiring cross-cultural competency is the new Six Sigma. Like any new management technique it's a process that takes time to learn because it's about changing behavior. Think of it as style-switching. You can't phone this stuff in. When human resources chooses a quality cross-cultural training program, they are building a world-class American workforce. A down and dirty lunch and learn webinar or "Tips and Techniques" approach may help to steer you safely around the tip of the cultural iceberg, but be aware that you may be in for a Titanic collision with the unseen and profound dimensions of culture that lie beneath the surface.

For example, in business, what is custom versus law depends on more than just the esprit de corps of an organization, or as in my case, what I presumed to control about my dad's health in the American context. Yes, one man's gift is another man's bribe, but consider this textbook hypothetical case presented by Trompenaars Hamden-Turner Global Consultants to about 70,000 managers in over 65 countries (so far):

"You are a passenger in a car driven by a close friend. That friend knocks down a pedestrian. The friend was travelling well above the speed limit - say 35 miles an hour in a 20-mile-an-hour-zone. There are no witnesses. The friend's lawyer suggests that testifying under oath on the friend's behalf that he was only doing 20 miles an hour may save him from serious consequences. Does the friend have a definite right, some right, or no right at all to expect someone (the manager being as asked the question) to testify to the lower figure. He also asks whether - irrespective of such right - the manager would testify to the lower figure."

The answers they received have varied around the world but, to some extent, were predictable. The answers match the ethical standards of the culture according to the roles and responsibilities they have ascribed to them. This example explores the cultural difference between Universalist and Particularistic societies. Universalist societies follow the rules and assume that the standards they hold dear are the correct ones. They try to get everyone to conform to them. That way, they believe, society works better. Particularistic societies, on the other hand, believe that particular circumstances are more important than general rules and that your response depends on the situation. The results of the study concluded that culture is not uniform but it's often a major determinant of attitude and of action. It is rich, varied and, at times, messy.

The Swiss almost unanimously feel that the friend has no right to expect his friend to perjure him/herself, and that in no circumstances should this be considered. Less than 35 percent of Venezuelans and the Chinese agree with this answer. For them, relationships are more important than rules. What's more, there is no value judgment when we know that this is just how they think. There are no wrong answers. What we do in a given situation becomes value neutral diffusing the "us versus them" discourse. And Trompenaars study concluded that yes, Americans believe rules are more important. This is the clear answer as a Universalist culture. I should not lie for my friend who broke the speed limit law and hit the pedestrian. This is just plain corrupt, not to mention a lie, in which case we should tell the truth.
So, when I learned that my legal authority over my father's health and welfare was extinguished, my emotions collided head on with my adopted culture.

Part of a series written for the HuffPost for Iram Ganju, DSP of IKG Global

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Oxford University Press.

DECONSTRUCTING PATERSON NEW JERSEY

Upper West Side suburban types think Paterson as Jersey's hood. You’d have to squint pretty hard to imagine Paterson as the Silicon Valley, but in it's heyday during the industrial revolution, this rust belt looking town made everything from cotton and silk to iron and trains.

The incongruities don’t end there.  It is also William Carlos Williams’ eponymous modern epic poem described as “Whitman's America, grown pathetic and tragic, brutalized by inequality, disorganized by industrial chaos, and faced with annihilation. No poet has written of it with such a combination of brilliance, sympathy, and experience, with such alertness and energy.”

South Paterson Home to the largest Turkish-American immigrant community in the U.S. – at last count about 20,000, down from about 60,000, fifty years ago and the second largest Arab community after Dearborn, Michigan. Visit these streets on a Muslim holiday and you’re likely to see the kids who attend Prospect Park public schools hanging out, observing the festivities with their families.

And not unlike the Middle East, Little Ramallah  -- bordered by Madison Avenue to the north, Crooks Avenue to the south, Hazel Street to the west, and East Railway Avenue to the east – suffers from something of an identity crisis because it is alternately called Little Arabia or Little Istanbul due to the equally large numbers of Turks, Syrians and Lebanese.

Still, according to exasperated local Turks – although they don’t let on because that’s just not a Turk’s style – one is either a Turk or an Arab, but not both. Both can be of the Islamic World, but not religiously. Turkiye is secular, and doesn’t practice Islam. It is a buffer to fundamentalist Islam, but itself is neither East nor West, which defines both its problem and its blessing. Its heart is in Asia (Ankara) but it faces Europe (Istanbul).

South Paterson, it only looks Arab. Upon closer inspection of the business signs and you realize, they are not Arabic.

The contradictions keep coming, for we have crossed the great divide from West to East. Turks also read right to left. Like Greeks, they say “no” by nodding their head up and down, much like the West gesture “yes”.  “Yes” is a downward nod, which looks like the Western gesture for “no”.

Once you get past the cultural reversals, preconceived notions, and unfamiliar language you realize you are having an authentic cultural experience subtitled by Turkish “authenticity”.

Oz Karadeniz 1023 Main St. Paterson, NJ  (973) 523-7779

The smell of something grilling thrilled me nostrils first toward a local eatery slash watering hole where a few of the neighborhood men check in to say hello, use the phone, catch a soccer game, or a smoke.

Ahmet and his wifeYadigar Bayrou make a succulently grilled Chicken Doner Kebabs,  with bulgur wheat and pilaf, Cacik Yogurt sauce with garlic and dill. Swill it down with pure peach soda. Best part of the meal was talking to, the owner about the neighborhood. He explained the meaning of the handmade artifacts on his walls and introduced me to the “boss” (his wife) making delicious dips and salads along with his daughter-in-law. His grandson, Joseph doing handstands on the chair of my table was a charming little kid with big brown eyes. I thanked him profusely for his hospitality, and left feeling satisfied.

Drizzly and gray, I was about to head home when I wandered next door to the only Turkish book shop in the tri-state area called "Zinnur” at 1019 Main St. (973) 278-6662, run by Zinnur -- previously seen hanging around next door at Oz – who (before I knew it) poured me a glass of Turkish tea in a delicate little tulip glass an homage from the Lalezar era of the Ottomans. Quiet and ready to listen to my questions, he and a store colleague and another guy who was just passing through, reminded me that the rest of the world still takes to stop. And. Talk. To an ethnographer reporter, a citizen diplomat who would tell the real story of Oz to the Suburbanites.

I stopped off on the way home at Taskin, the Turkish bakery where again, I was shown the famous Turkish hospitality inquiring about the Turkish flat bread called “Pide”, handmade and brick oven baked. They come topped with sesame seeds and black caraway seeds or plain for sandwiches or table bread. They took me behind the counter, showed me around while the smell of fresh baked bread intoxicated me. A poster for the Turkish-American Festival was thrust into my hands www.njturkishfestial.org . They wanted me to tell “everybody” to come. There’s a flag raising ceremony on Thursday, May 14th in front of Paterson City Hall (155 Market Street) in front of Clifton City Hall (corner of Clifton & Van Houten Aves.) and lots of parading, eating, music entertainment, singers, musicians, folk dancers, food, vendors, games, prizes & surprises. With all this culture right here in North Jersey, who needs Ninth Avenue?

Next up: The Syrians of South Paterson, NJ.

Lisa La Valle-Finan is an Intercultural trainer, writer, and the Creative Director of getGlobalized™. She’s been traveling and writing for 25 years, speaks French, Italian and Greek, and welcomes all comments and can be reached at crossculturalpro@yahoo.com . More information can be found on the company’s website at www.getGlobalized.org.

SOURCES
Books
Axtell, R. (1997). Do's and Taboos around the World for Women in Business. New York: John Wiley & Sons.
Dresser, N. (1996). Multicultural Manners. New York: John Wiley.
Foster, D. (2000). The Global Etiquette Guide to Asia. New York: John Wiley
Huntington, S. P. (1996). The Clash of Civilizations and the Remaking of World Order. New York: Simon & Schuster.
Morrison, C. B. (1994). Kiss Bow or Shake Hands. Holbrook, MA: Adams Media.

Web
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paterson,_New_Jersey
http://www.jstor.org/pss/1207405
http://www.answers.com/topic/paterson-new-jersey
http://www.answers.com/topic/paterson new jersey
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9402E0D7143FF93AA15753C1A9609C8B63&sec=&spon=&pagewanted=print
http://local.yahoo.com/NJ/Paterson/Food+Dining/Restaurants/Middle+Eastern

DECONSTRUCTING AMERICAN COLLEGE COSTS

Typical Job Opportunity: Master's degree majoring in Economics, Finance or Accounting. Practical work experience due to internships or a post-graduate job. Entrepreneurial thinking and leadership skills. You think and act internationally and you have a high level of cross-cultural competence which you provided during an international internship or a semester abroad. A pragmatic "hands on" approach characterizes your way of working. You are creative, self-motivated and a team-player who enjoys working in a multi-cultural company. You are able to speak English fluently. Additional language skills like German or Chinese are a plus

If this is the standard, there’s no doubt American kids can handle college academically, the problem is paying for it, often to the tune of up to $30,000 per year. In recent years, while Europe has been considering reforming higher education and moving towards a system that charges users, it’s still a fraction of the cost of a US education.

College is free in Norway, Austria, Sweden, Finland, and Germany. Belgium is beginning to charge an enrollment fee of 500 euros which is same for EU and non-EU students (non-EU students are charged additional 500 euros for social security), while Holland and Italy charge an enrollment fee of 1,000-1,500 euros. 

The cost of studying and living in Europe varies considerably by country, but it is much less than the United States. Since higher education is one top priority for Europe it is generally much cheaper to obtain a higher education than stateside. There are numerous scholarships available and tuition fees are either moderate or not charged at all.

Historically, the United States sent students to college than almost any country in the world. Of the 38 OECD countries, only two (Russia and Israel) have a higher proportion than the US. However, other countries have steadily increased their higher education rates over the past 30 years with the United States dropping to 16th. So, for American students to set a college education in their future, they may have to look elsewhere until a quality education in America is more affordable.

Schools may be responding more quickly to changes in the jobs market, but if they can’t afford it no amount of new pedagogues like teaching our kids to think outside the box and collaborate with others, even beyond national borders, will be out of grasp. Forget speaking a foreign language. 

Thankfully, there are plenty of countries with education systems that others can learn from. According to the latest OECD PISA survey, which tests the knowledge and skills of 15-year-old's, Korea has the best performing education system, closely followed by Finland. And these best-performing systems, which also include Canada and Japan, reflect students from various backgrounds, regardless of how well-off their parents are or whether they attend a private or state school.

With over 4,000 European universities and colleges to choose from, in over 30 different countries, there will be a European course and degree to suit your needs. You can learn in English, or immerse yourself fully in a new culture and language. From the Arctic Circle to the coast of Africa, you can explore a truly diverse and multicultural region, with a rich academic history spanning thousands of years.

If you study in Europe, you’ll gain all the skills you need for the global economy. Study and learn with students from all corners of the world, discover a new language, and develop your independence at a university in Europe.

Quality and cost are but just the beginning of the advantages to studying abroad compared to the United States. One of the hidden benefits is studying stress free. According to the New York Times, money troubles interfere with the academic performance of about one-third of all college students, and a similar number of students regularly skip buying required academic materials because of the costs, according to a survey released recently.

The choice is endless – from highly ranked research universities to smaller, specialized European colleges. European courses will open your eyes to new opportunities – and give you an education that employers around the world will really value and respect. Hundreds of European universities have long traditions of quality teaching and research. For example, University of Cambridge which according to the QS World University Rankings is the highest ranked university in the world and was formed in 1209. 

There are thousands of universities and colleges in Europe, offering a huge variety of courses to choose from. Whether you prefer a large leading research university or a smaller specialized college, you can be certain to find what you are looking for. With 50 countries and 600 million people speaking 48 languages, Europe is the perfect place for those who seek for a fantastic cultural experience.

Although many universities offer courses in English, you will have the chance to learn in Spanish, German, French or any other local language. If you have always wanted to learn a new language then studying in Europe offer plenty of chances to master either a widespread or more exotic language.
The Bologna Process makes it easier for students to study abroad and have their qualifications recognized in all countries joined the Bologna Process. Since the graduate qualifications are unified, the graduate degree is worth the same regardless of the country you study in.
Intake dates, application deadlines, student visas and English language requirements before applying to a European University or College. Intake dates vary from country to country but most countries have a main intake in September or October and there is rolling intake for some programs and institutions.

Notes

http://stacieberdan.com/books-by-stacie/go-global/

Frost, Maya. The New Global Student. New York: Three Rivers, 2009. Print. 

http://www.dailyinfographic.com/the-roi-of-studying-abroad-infographic

OECD. (2009). PISA Key Findings assessing 15-year-olds' competencies in the key subjects: reading, mathematics and science.Perez, Pena. (2012, November 14). Financial Worries Pile on Long Before Graduation. New York Times. New York, NY, USA.

http://jimsheng.hubpages.com/hub/Comparison-of-cost-of-higher-education-around-the-worldBoosting jobs and skills - article. (2009). Retrieved December 1, 2012, from OECD:

http://www.oecd.org/employment/boostingjobsandskills.htm
(2012, December 02).

Retrieved from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/15/cost-of-college-degree-increase-12-fold-1120-percent-bloomberg_n_1783700.html

College Tuition. Retrieved from Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/College_tuition_in_the_United_States
International School of Bangkok.

Retrieved 2012, from http://www.isb.ac.th/uploads/contents/525/attachs/Unis%20in%20Europe%20with%20English%20Programs.pdf

DECONSTRUCTING BRAVO'S "LADIES OF LONDON"

THE UNWRITTEN RULES OF BRITISH CULTURE

1. Not news, but bears repeating: the British communication default tends to be dry wit. When in doubt, presume irony. Beset by this indirectness that’s compared to the teakettle – always on, whistling inconspicuously in the corner and tough to switch off – it is invariably met with perplexity by Americans. 

2. There is no real purpose for the ‘polite procrastination’ phase of the conversation preceding ‘the real conversation’ that’s about to occur (if ever). This displacement activity is small talk – mainly about the weather – to avoid intimacy, and maintains restraint.

3. I cannot stress the importance of not being earnest enough. No Englishman would be caught dead feigning sincerity. Self-importance is strictly forbidden, so prepare to have them ‘take the Mick out of you’(be teased).

4. Brits are unreservedly reserved. While they do not display emotion, my experience with the depth and breadth of their humanity is inestimable. Nonetheless, their emotional unresponsiveness hovers somewhere around underwhelming. Pomposity is just plain mortifying. Perhaps all this attention deflection compensates for all that, uh-hem, empire-building and an unnerving pecking order (see side bar). 

5. London may be one of the most expensive cities in the world, but you may not find obvious signs of recognizable wealth, much less royalty. That international reputation for dressing badly in dowdy tweeds – Saville Row tailors, monarchical costumes, and theatrical costumes notwithstanding – is nothing but a clever decoy for their entry in Burke’s Peerage, because class and status matter very much.

6. While it can be said that the British practically invented polite manners, it’s confusing. Direct questions get evasive responses and conversation is fraught with ambiguity. Inured by this Kabuki dance, the befuddled must learn to read between lines or ‘listen loudly’ to understand what is being said from what is meant, by subtle facial expressions and tone of voice.

7. Brits are without a doubt competitive; they’re just not in your face about it. Don’t mistake their tendency of fairness for weakness. Britannia was an empire on which the sun never set for 500 years.

8. Being an island, Britain is nothing if not nationalistic, producing a certain breed of xenophobes thanks to its ‘island mentality,’ not unlike those of, say, New Yorkers.

9. A recent phenomenon is the new schizophrenic Brit: The Reluctant Modernizer or The Frantic Modernizer, of which the Ladies Of London will most likely, and unerringly fall.

10. The U.K. means the United Kingdom of England, (Northern) Ireland, Scotland and Wales. Being English and British is not the same thing. English means people from only England. People from England, Northern Ireland, Scotland, and Wales are British. The Scots and Scottish are from Scotland. People from Northern Ireland are also called Irish. Anyone from Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland are likely to be offended if you call them English.

MEET THE LADIES

Annabelle Neilson

Born into a wealth aristocratic family, Annabelle grew up in South London. Now a fixture in international party and fashion circuits, the model and London socialite was a muse and best friend to the late designer, Alexander McQueen, for over 20 years. Friends with the likes of Kate Moss, Jude Law, Naomi Campbell and Richard Branson, Annabelle is the author of a children’s book and is currently writing a novel about her friendship with McQueen.

Caroline Stanbury

Born into the Vestey dynasty, Caroline is a long-time fixture in London’s high society, often rubbing shoulders with royals and celebrities. After making a name for herself dressing London’s most glamorous socialites as a top personal stylist, Caroline launched Gift Library of Caroline Stanbury in 2008. The successful luxury gifting and personal shopping service has grown extensively in less than five years and Caroline recently acquired The Wedding Shop of Caroline Stanbury, currently the leading independent wedding list service in the U.K. and Ireland. Married to financier Cem Habib, Caroline lives outside of London with her husband and their three children.

Juliet Angus

Born and raised in Chicago, Illinois, Juliet moved to London in 2010 after running with Hollywood’s A-list in Los Angeles. She holds a Bachelors of Arts in Journalism from the University of Southern California (USC) and worked in television production in New York before returning to Los Angeles to consult for top international fashion brands. Now in London, Juliet continues to work with top fashion designers and celebrities. In addition to running her own personal styling business, Juliet is in the process of launching a London-based styling studio. Married to media executive Gregor Angus, Juliet lives in Battersea, South London, with her husband and their two children.

Caprice Bourret

Originally from Hacienda Heights, California, Caprice moved to London in her early 20s to purse modeling. Since then she has become one of the world’s most photographed women and she has graced more than 300 magazine covers worldwide. Voted as GQ’s “Woman of the Year” and Maxim’s“International Woman of the Year” three years in a row, Caprice has also appeared in more than 150 films and television shows, as well as theatrical productions in London’s West End theatre district. She currently runs her own company, By Caprice, which includes a lingerie line, swimwear, nightwear and bedding. Caprice has two children with her partner Ty Comfort.

Marissa Hermer

Born in Laguna Beach and raised in Newport Beach, California, Marissa moved to London to start a public relations career after graduating from Middlebury College in Vermont. She subsequently moved to New York to work for fashion luxury powerhouse Nadine Johnson. While in New York, Marissa reconnected with London nightclub owner and restaurateur Matt Hermer. She moved back to London in 2008 and married Matt in 2010. Using her luxury public relations background to help grow the family business, Ignite Group, Marissa and Matt currently live in London with their two sons.  

Noelle Reno

Born and raised in Seattle, Washington, Noelle started modeling internationally at the age of 14. When she was 20, she moved to London to pursue her fashion and media career and she holds a Bachelors of Arts in Communication from the British American College of London (Regents Park). As the co-founder of cashmere fashion brand, Degrees of Freedom, Noelle has made her way in British society as an entrepreneur, television correspondent and socialite. In addition, she partnered with designer Zandra Rhodes to found the clothing line, Z by Zandra Rhodes. She has been dating property entrepreneur Scot Young since 2009. 

MIND THE GAP

Chicago native Juliet Angus is determined to maul her way into a seat at the table with the Ladies of London aristocracy. No, she shouldn’t stand like a fishmonger’s wife in the middle of the street and air her dirty laundry. But she does. And she shouldn’t perpetuate the ugly American stereotype with ‘ruder’ conduct to Annabelle. But she does.

Take it from a former expat like me, also from California like Ladies of London cast member Marissa Hermer; I feel your pain, but I survived the ‘royal treatment’ and the Yank mockery. Yes, a lot goes on behind closed doors of British society; an archaic and impenetrable social hierarchy (not unlike the French) precisely stratified so that everyone is inferior to someone and superior to someone else.

Outsiders, particularly us Americans, will never really understand the extent to which the in-group dynamic and ascribed social hierarchy influences the British mindset. But we try.

Originally appeared Global Living – Issue 13 | July/August 2014

While watching BravoTV’s new reality show, Ladies of London, former expat Lisa La Valle-Finan, an American culture-shock preventionist at Globalista Gal, Inc., felt inspired to share what she learned about the unwritten rules of British Culture from her time abroad.

ABOUT THE SHOW

Ladies of London is a docu-series set in the class-conscious city of London. The show focuses on a group of elite British socialites, Annabelle Neilson and Caroline Stanbury, along with American expats, Juliet Angus, Caprice Bourret, Marissa Hermer and Noelle Reno. In a town where reputation is everything, the women adhere to culturally specific unwritten rules of engagement in their overlapping social circles.

Ladies of London was created by Bravo, an American basic cable and satellite television channel that is owned by NBC Universal.

DECONSTRUCTING ANCESTRAL EVE

Genetic anthropology demonstrates that human populations have been on the move for the past 200,000 years. We have been migrating from continents and immigrating to countries ever since African Eve -- the first "fearless woman"  walked out of Africa. As the first known female genetic ancestor of every person alive today, she proved we all share a common ancestor and therefore, all of us are related. I like to think she had a vision for herself, and for humanity and that in her quest for life, liberty and happiness, she saw the big picture. Peaceful coexistence in a world without squiggly black lines we call country borders. We do not exist without her drive, tenacity and open mindedness. None of us would. As she ambled across those planes and forests, waded through the swamps and trekked up the hills, I can't help but think that she not only had a yen for wanderlust, but a desire to do the right thing. I'm happy to trace my deep ancestry to her. We all ought to be. We've got optimistic genes in us all.

In a globalized world, people no longer move merely as a cog in the wheel of evolutionary survival. Rather, it has taken on a heightened sense of urgency for prosperity. Those arbitrary lines on our maps are man-made but the earth belongs to us all. While those lines have created fascinating cultures, humanity now seems destined for something bigger. It seems poised to transcend those black squiggles with all the ingenuity and spirituality the globalized world can muster because the globalized workforce must move across the boundaries of countries and continents to make a better life. This is the 21st century reality. Oddly enough, not every person, country or culture has caught up with that idea, especially the developed nations that practically invented this hot, flat and crowded world of moving people.

 

In order to understand the globalized world, I like to share an email I received a while back by a cross-cultural colleague who said that globalization looked like Princess Diana's death. And I thought, what an absolutely morbid and inappropriate thing to say! When I asked why, he replied:"Because she was an English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend, who crashes in a French tunnel, in a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian drunk on Scottish whisky, chased by Italian Paparazzi on Japanese motorcycles, treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines. This email was sent to you by a Canadian, using American, Bill Gates' technology and you're probably reading this on your computer, that uses Taiwanese chips, a Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Indian truck drivers, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen and trucked to you by Mexicans." You get my meaning.

Improving the quality of life means different things to different people. Universally, though, despite cultural and religious differences, it can mean relocating for a career advancement, improving your financial future or immigrating because there are better educational and job opportunities for your kids. No matter what the reason is, people have moved, are moving and will continue to move. The pettiness of America's immigration reform xenophobia diminishes the globalized opportunities it was instrumental in creating. So it's incumbent on countries, like the U.S.A., reap what they have sown. To seize the change we have created and accept the human capital for the opportunities it creates. Yet, in my country of opportunities, success depends not only on what it can offer the world, but on what the world of people can deliver to the country they now call home.

 

For populations that come and go, the givers and receivers of countries, cultures and nations, there are gains and losses on both sides. There is no movement without change. No success without risk. However, this is the very process that has shaped the success of the U.S.A. and the American character. According to the cross-cultural literature, America is the most individualist-oriented culture compared to the rest of the collectivist-oriented world. Eighty percent of the rest of the world puts the needs of the group before the needs of the individual because fundamentally, people are born dependent and connected. While American individualism (or independence) may be hard to understand, it's not only desirable, but necessary.

Americans created (and practically invented) that singularly unique and remarkable quality, because they were unafraid of people moving either to the U.S.A. as immigrants, or within its borders to continue that momentum of success, achievement and opportunity, after they arrived. This mobile behavior benefits the entire planet. It's the change that fosters prosperity and improves living standards. With success comes risk and no one knows that better than a pioneer. The success of globalization has created a new reality (cooperation, synthesis). The pioneers who venture out (loss, thesis) and the host nations who receive them (gain, antithesis) form a new paradigm. People move the information, goods and services that are making globalization happen.

The "American way" of life or elevated standard of living is being aspired to by hundreds of millions of people around the world, especially the BRIC, but not as Americans understand it. We have a hard time understanding the hybrid versions of it. Many nations retain their political ideology and social values while embracing American free market capitalism. Oddly enough, like Americans, it is human nature to innovate, not copy.

On the other hand, what happens when leaving what you know behind is met with rejection? What about the perception of a "selfish" America by new immigrants? It's important to know that upon closer inspection, the pioneering mindset of the U.S.A. means that Americans take care of themselves and expect others to do the same. Independence, or self-reliance, is a key American virtue because it means to be self-supporting. Films and TV show heroes, usually ordinary individuals, save the day (or the world) by acting on their own, sometimes bypassing rules and authorities and ignoring group opinion. This is the mindset -- for better or for worse -- that paved the way for the freedom to forge a better life.

Take the Tibetans and China, the Mexicans and America, the Middle Eastern people and Europe. Each one of these cultures fears losing their cultural identity and sometimes refuses to adapt in one way or another. They have created cultural conflicts and sometimes, outright rejection by the host culture or, on the other hand, may be a result of the immigrant rejecting the notion of total assimilation which was commonly adopted during the mass wave of immigration to America during the 19th century. However, those immigrants also chose to move here for a better future. It's a two way street though, and the nature of immigration is changing. How and why people move, migrate and immigrate, and when and where they will go continues to unfold.

If scientific evidence tells us that the journey of our fearless African Eve was driven by insufficient resources, food and land, then not much has changed. Today people still move for much the same reason, only now it's with a heightened sense of peace and prosperity. This is what it means to get globalized, fearlessly. To be unafraid to pioneer the idea of lifting yourself up and out of your current state of being, wherever that may be.

While America is no longer considered a "melting pot," it is still a country where there's a high chance of engagement among people of other cultures. Now we use the "salad bowl" metaphor, symbolizing the American Kaleidoscope -- in which different cultures mix, but remains distinct. At the same time, the days of the Great Wall of China or the Berlin Wall mindset of isolation is all but gone with the exception of countries like North Korea. People, countries and cultures that resist globalization, erecting barriers, are failing to ride the waves of culture and miss the opportunity for a better future. All that's left is the useless ethnocentrism that isolate and limit subsequent generations who may feel lost without a sense of belonging anywhere, much less cultural identity. What was considered home for one generation, may be something very different for another. While it's understandable that change brings uncertainty, tolerating risk comes with the territory of pioneering new frontiers.

 

This is the spirit that welcomes differences -- like America can -- along with new ideas and a different type of unity, one that may not be visible just yet, but may be looming, just over the horizon. Just as African Eve could not know what future she would bring humanity, our future may also unfold in ways we cannot imagine either. It may be that the globalization which first emerged from the American shores may evolve into something quite different. A hybrid of where we are now, if we move with the process and get out of our own way. One driven by the pioneering engine of Western style capitalism, atomized and individualistic, yet feel more Eastern and transcending, coexisting peacefully and harmoniously.

Some nations embrace the global movement of information, goods and services. Others may resist it, but undoubtedly humanity is the face of it. Whether nations embrace open borders for opportunities to improve living standards or they restrict them (and the potential revenue streams) it seems to be about fight or flight. A fear of losing part of ourselves or a perceived insecurity without a firm cultural identity. Perhaps we can transcend the impermanence of these man-made notions of what it means to be human because we think they preserve us and our species. However, we know that cultural values are learned behaviors and they can be unlearned however ingrained, but this takes time.

His Holiness the Dalai Lama said, the world is becoming smaller and one can easily recognize that everyone on earth is connected. We all suffer and experience joy. To meet the challenges of our times, though, we must develop a greater sense of universal responsibility. In a globalized society, we can find strength through that connection and forge a pathway to peace and prosperity for all.